Romance Interrupted

Warning, don't read this if you don't have/haven't had toddlers in years or are squeamish about poo!

So, tonight we planned a nice dinner -- some really thick NY strips grilled on mesquite, fresh picked green beans sauteed with slivered almonds, rotini with butter and parm, wilted kale and tomato salad with bacon cider vinaigrette...  While I am finishing up in the kitchen and Gregg is taking the steaks off the grill he says, "How about we eat on the deck?"  Nice.  So he then sets up a table for us and the girls' little table for them.  He puts tea lights around the deck and on the tables.  We serve the girls first.  Ah, but before we can, Alex caomes running in, "Greggie blew out our candle!"  G:  It's my birthday.  I blow out the candle.  M: No, Greggie, it's not your birthday.  Leave the candle alone.  Then we serve them.  Alex comes running in again, "We need salt."  I give her a bowl of salt and send her back out.  Before we can get out with our plates, Alex comes running in again, "Greggie dumped the salt on our candle."  G: It's my birthday....

Soooo, finally, we are all sitting and eating and the candles are burning and there is salt in the bowl and all is good.

A:  I need to go potty.

M:  Go on.  

A: I'm scared.  It's dark inside.

M: Greggie's potty is right there on the porch. [the Safety First potty with the inserted bowl]  I can see you from here. 

A:  WE-ell awright.  

M: Did she pee?

G1: Um, no, um....

M:  Poo?

G1: Well, um, ya, um, sort of, um...

[in other words, completely LIQUID poo.  Ah, nice.]

I get up from the table to clean up my child and the potty.  We get inside and Alex says, urgently, "Mama!  I gotta go potty!  I gotta go more!"

She runs to the toilet.  Soon, a large blast.

A: I farted!

M:  Um, I don't know if I'd call that a fart.

A:  It was a TORNADO!

M:  Yes, yes.  That was a tornado.

I clean her all up and myself and all and go back to try to enjoy my dinner.  She runs ahead yelling, "I said, 'that's a tornado!  don't bang your head on the wall Mom!'"  Yeah, that's what you said.

Ah, you think this is over??????

Now Greggie says, "I need to go potty!"  I run back inside for the insert to the potty and put it on and she sits down.  Major grunt.  Much laughter.  She thinks it's really funny.  She stands up and dumps the insert into the base.  

M:  It's okay.  She didn't go.

G1: NO!  I saw a turd!

He runs over. Yup a turd.  Dumped on DORA who had been previously stuffed into the base.  Gregg washes Dora.  I wash Greggie. 

Is dinner over yet??????